Words

Life

Meanwhile

by Andrea Elizabeth

I’ve been busy with home and new Weatherford Church improvements. In searching for a way to deal with my yellow stained limestone, I came across Romabio lime wash, which also works on brick in which the Church is clad in a dreary tan since the 60’s. The fun thing about this wash is that you can spray or rub it off to let the masonry show through in places.

I ordered a sample quart in Riposo beige to just cover some stains at home and get used to working with it. My plan is to later go over it with white and rub that off to let some of the beige show through instead of my stains.

I used the diluted liter on a backyard wall and then the stains on my fireplace. Here’s before:

After cleaning with soap, water, sprayer, and brush, which combination we hadn’t yet tried 😔:

And after:

I experimented with washing and rubbing some off but am not doing that step with this application. I’m looking forward to seeing how it will look with white wash, but that will have to wait till after we do the Church.

*Addendum: the wash is lightening as it dries:

Pray for rain

by Andrea Elizabeth

I hope the Sequoias, redwoods, and countless other trees from there to Texas don’t all die in this heat and drought. Lord have mercy on them and all of the animals and people who love them.

You’re older than you’ve ever been and now you’re even older

by Andrea Elizabeth

I have wondered why people don’t seem to panic as they get old as they inevitably advance toward their ever nearing death. But as I approach my 56th birthday I’m wondering if it takes the length of our lives to slowly get used to the idea. When a (relatively) young person says they are not ready to die, this implies that they eventually will be when they have aged enough, to use wine and cheese terms.

It sounds morbid to say that from our earliest consciousness we should have the mindset that we need to be readying ourselves for death. Morbidness depends on what death is. Meeting your maker sounds like a responsible thing to do, like visiting your grandparents.

So should young people not fear death? They usually have the opposite problem by feeling indestructible. They do fear social death though. That also takes a while to get ready for. But we like it that children live so in the moment and that they give themselves wholly to their circle. Perhaps the art of aging is expanding your circle to include what is behind the veil. This puts a different perspective on the immediate without negating or escaping it. We can’t force this capacity on people though. God is not afraid of taking his time, which young earthers need to get over.

The Boy on Netflix

by Andrea Elizabeth

I hesitate to use The Boy as an example of icon veneration because it is a horror film.

The first movie is an example of icon veneration, the sequel, Brahms, The Boy 2, is an example of icon worship.

I would explain, but I don’t feel like spoiling it.

I will just say being motivated solely out of fear of wrath is what makes it wrong. That and an unworthy person or object.

More Aspergers versus Borderline

by Andrea Elizabeth

One thing brought out by an expert psychologist in the Depp case was that Borderline Personality sufferers do not have do not have a sense of identity and thus mimic other people’s identity. Aspergers also mimic people, but it stems from a disconnect from social interaction rather than self.

Aspergers typically like to be alone so that they don’t have to deal with the constant confusion and the feeling of woeful inadequacy. Borderlines depend much more on leaching from other people’s identity in person. Aspergers can be needy too though as the lack of connected interaction creates a vacuum that is painful. Before coming to terms with the fact that the interaction deficit can’t be fixed an Aspie may latch on to one person at a time to experiment with filling the missing link. Usually it’s a special interest that fills it best. Some can find fulfillment in their non human area of focus (nurses can focus on systems), but others can just use it as an effective distraction from the ever present empty feeling. The furrowed eyebrows on Temple Grandin’s face can be from grief from disconnectedness as well as the effort of concentrated coping, her enthusiasm for animal behavior not withstanding.

Seeing your own behavior as stemming from a disorder instead of individual quirckyness is disorienting to one’s sense of identity. But it feels more like ugly duckling syndrome than cancer. It is like speaking a foreign language that no one else speaks. Aspies do get each other but it’s more like orphans getting each other than feeling connected.

Aspies have relationships of course but I think maybe they are built on faith rather than sight. Therefore the people with whom they entrust themselves must be faithful and trustworthy, and Aspies need to realize that is a pretty demanding requirement. When let down or if the other person can’t handle it all, Aspies, also like Borderlines, can fall into splitting: idealization followed by vilification. Aren’t the people who pass by evil, and what about the Good Samaritan who just dumps you at the hospital? So you develop a hospice mentality. Try to be cheerful, realize people are doing their best and look beyond.

Johnny Depp’s and Marlon Brando’s favorite quote

by Andrea Elizabeth

The Time of Your Life, preface by William Saroyan

In the time of your life, live – so that in that good time there shall be no ugliness of death for yourself or any life your life touches. Seek goodness everywhere, and when it is found, bring it out of its hiding-place and let it be free and unashamed. Place in matter and in flesh the least of the values, for these are the things that hold death and must pass away. Discover in all things that which shines and is beyond corruption. Encourage virtue in whatever heart it may have been driven into secrecy and sorrow by the shame and terror of the world. Ignore the obvious, for it is unworthy of the clear eye and the kindly heart. Be the inferior of no man, nor of any man be the superior. Remember that every man is the variation of yourself. No man’s guilt is not yours, nor is any man’s innocence a thing apart. Despise evil and ungodliness, but not men of ungodliness or evil. These, understand. Have no shame in being kindly and gentle, but if the time comes in the time of your life to kill, kill and have no regret. In the time of your life, live – so that in that wonderous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but shall smile to the infinite delight and mystery of it.

Context in this conversation from 2016, a few months before the end:

People who need people

by Andrea Elizabeth

People who are not good at playgrounds and cafeterias can find easier company in the media, books included. I remember spending almost a month bedbound by elbow traction when I was 12 feeling like I wished people would send notes under the door instead of visiting. I felt like an unequally exposed captive audience. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them. There was just too much pressure to respond. Written or recorded closed ended communication leaves the recipient free to choose the most comfortable way to respond. Questions or stalls in conversation are often very uncomfortable pressure.

Amber Heard’s Borderline Personality Disorder

by Andrea Elizabeth

While binge watching the Johnny Depp Amber Heard Defamation trial and “lawtube” commentary, I find myself focusing on her diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Disorder. I have heard that Borderline Personality Disorder overlaps with Aspergers so that Asperger’s people may be misdiagnosed. I do see some similarities, so for this post I looked it up. Here’s what stood out the most:

The Link Between Autism and Borderline Personality Disorder

“4. High on systemising

Both autistics and those with BPD are known to be high systemisers – that means a drive to analyse and build a system based upon patterns of information.

One largescale 2017 study found that people with autism and BPD had equally high systemising traits, but those with autism or those with comorbid autism and BPD were lower on empathy traits. It’s worth pointing out here that many in the autism community now believe autistic people are only lower on cognitive empathy traits, with some actually experiencing higher than normal emotional empathy.

Another study found that people with BPD were more neurotic, more emotionally dysregulated, had higher extraversion, were more open for new experiences, and were less conscientious than those with autism. Those with autism were found to be more inhibited, and more compulsive than those with BPD.”

It is Amber’s lack of conscientiousness that alienates me the most. Aspergers also tend to be obsessed with the truth, which she obviously is not. I think it is her fatal flaw. I can empathize with her panicking when Johnny would leave (both experience fear of the almost inevitable loss of relationships), but not her rage and staging evidence against him. At all. I distinguish emotional disregulation from her blinding rage. Aspergers can get very frustrated and act out, but it stems more from communication bottlenecks, I guess you could say.

I do not know as much about histrionic disorder, but I suspect that her lack of realizing some of her untruths may be related to that. I believe free will is also a factor in everyone, even with these disabilities. It is a mark of good character to take responsibility for one’s actions even if they are harder to control than for neurotypical people. Amber seems to be at the blame others stage. It is actually freeing to see that there are other reasons for interpersonal difficulties than just lack of character in others.

by Andrea Elizabeth

Most detailed photo of a human cell. Found on Twitter page, @microscopicture

I just can’t see this forming through gradual mutation. Stephen Meyer says there are too many jumps in technology for this to be so.

Christ is Risen!

by Andrea Elizabeth

Indeed He is Risen!

“On Bright Thursday the Gospel reading is John 3:1-15, which mentions the Pharisee Νikόdēmos who came by night to speak to Christ. The Lord told him that a man could not see the Kingdom of God unless he were born again. Νikόdēmos, taking Him much too literally, could not understand how such a thing was possible.

The Savior then clarified His words, saying that one must be born “of water and the Spirit” (John 3:5), referring to Baptism. Νikόdēmos, however, still found it difficult to understand Him.

The Lord said, “If I have told you of earthly things, and you believe not, how shall you believe if I tell you of heavenly things?” (John 3:12).

The reading from Acts 2:38-41 also speaks of Baptism. Saint Peter told the crowd, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you… and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 2:38).

The main focus of today’s readings is on Baptism, but they also point to other things. We are to raise our mind and understanding from earthly to heavenly things, and to seek the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

https://www.oca.org/saints/lives/2007/04/12/31-bright-thursday

My favorite things right now are rocks, plants and birds. I love that they were created by God and that they provide stability, beauty, and joyful, loud life. According to the above, we should circle these attributes back to our worship of God and, since I’m still reading Mother Alexandra’s book on Angels, the heavenly hosts.

It seems out of order that the land and plants were created the third day, before the sun, moon and planets on the fourth. Also that birds were created with fish on the fifth day before land animals on the sixth.

Archiopterix used to be considered the first appearing feathered bird 150 million years ago, but Wikipedia says that 2009 Anchiornis was discovered in China and beats it by 10 million years. Current finds show land animals before that by a few tens on millions of years, but maybe there are earlier bird fossils to discover.

Btw Hugh Ross and Stephen Meyer have converted me to old earth creationism but Meyer doesn’t use that term. Still, birds and mammals appearing close together makes their separation into different “days” curious.

So like Nicodemus we can be scientifically skeptical but there’s probably something spiritual we’re missing.