Why the guy in the video in my last post is wrong
by Andrea Elizabeth
Firstly he’s right that we are attracted to, especially with our first love, familiar ways of suffering.
Secondly he’s right that we are more messed up than we know, and that we are usually disappointed in our partner’s inability to relate to us.
Where he’s wrong is blaming Disney for why we expect so much. I’d say we have to blame Jesus. Being made in the image of God means that our telos is to love like God loves and to be loved like God loves. We study the Bible and look to our hearts to find out how God loves. Of course we like the parts about being loved better: Being perfectly understood whether we explain it or not.
Being forgiven for our weaknesses, mistakes, misunderstanding, anger, and ill-will.
Where he’s right is loving someone as we would like to be loved is a hard earned skill.
Where he’s wrong is that explaining nicely and teaching another how to love us doesn’t always work. Yes belittling is wrong, but ultimately if they are Christlike can’t they understand and forgive us for that? But there are also hard-wired personality types that really don’t understand each other. Will a deeply extroverted person ever be able to teach a deeply solitary Aspergers person to understand and enjoy frequent couples parties? Will a lover of music ever be able to teach someone who doesn’t relate to music to get it? He’s right that compromises need to be worked out. And that what these situations need is sadness and acceptance instead of anger and rage. But I’d say they also need an ability to accept the loneliness of these compartmental incompatibilities. There are some couples though that seem to really enjoy sharing their most important traits that make them happy, so I’d say there is probably a scale of the happiness to sadness ratio. It’s probably a pretty complicated scale that has lots of variables including how fundamental to your deep personhood are the things you enjoy and how badly do you need to have a partner in crime? That would weigh how deep the sadness/happiness is.