why I didn’t post yesterday

by Andrea Elizabeth

I had to find a new toaster oven. The old one is too slow. Probably because it is too big with no extra elements to compensate for the extra air that needs to be heated up. Pop up toasters have the elements right next to the bread, but you can’t pre-butter, so they’re out. If I had been true to my anti-technology convictions, I would have stuck with the old one. Not that it isn’t technological. The Indians would have toasted their sliced bread on a stick over a fire. But technology thrives on, if I’m the least bit inconvenienced, I have to put the “old” in the landfill for one that offers more convenience. Used to be old was at least 500 years. I actually would have stuck it out, but my husband is an engineer and he makes toast on Saturday mornings, and the ever increasing slowness was really messing with his groove. I told the three kids I rode to Connecticut with last week that I participate in technology as a sacrifice of love for them. If they have cell phones, then I need one, or else they would have to write me a letter, since 5 out of 6 of them have now moved out, and the one in Connecticut is now married to a Connecticut girl. But the mail from Connecticut takes almost the same amount of time as the mail from Grapevine. Not that they call anyway, but they do text sometimes, and I would probably text while blundering into the Morris Dancers. So beat me up. It would make my day. Heck, liking that article already did the job, so thanks for making my day. Really. But Clint only said that because he knew he would win. I believe that I would lose if these smooth talkers really engaged what I wrote. They’re just being condescendingly nice to the hick by not. Thanks for your patronage. Really. Except when they’re not. The thing is, I’m a content over style person, except when it’s dancing. Then style is everything. Not that raw emoting can’t be beautiful, but when it’s jerky, atheist Darwinist emoting, it’s just gross. Monkeys are smoother than that. Actually, Clint didn’t care whether he would win or lose. Apathy can give a person the edge.

But I really like the new toaster. It’s smaller and the elements heat up faster, I just found out. And the new silver lining reflects a lot of light, so it’s really shiny, sparkly pretty. I almost let myself get more into character and said it gives me feels, but that’s gross.

Before I went to Walmart to get the toaster and other various and sundries, my dog killed one of my horse trainer’s chickens. I hadn’t realized Merry’s long leash wasn’t in the car, so I had to put her in the empty peacock pen. After my ride on the fabulous multitatlented Copper, the half Arabian, half quarter horse strawberry blond wonder, I heard the sound of dog chasing distressed little half-grown chick and ran to the pen where it had somehow gotten itself trapped. I yelled, No, Merry! But she wouldn’t cease and desist and by the time I got there she was huddled in the corner over her prey. I pulled her off and the little thing was half through the chain link like Winnie the Pooh in Rabbit’s hole. It was blinking, crooked and still. I called to the trainer who got her out and said her neck was broken. She held her till she died. She put her in a horse feed bag that had other barn trash in it and told me to take it to the “curb” which isn’t a curb because it’s a country road with grassy edges. She said it was ok, she has lots more. She raises them mostly to keep the bug population down. She has 3 different broods right now. If Merry’s on a long leash, the chickens can outrun her as she runs out of slack. But in a confined space she has the advantage. I’m thinking that since she was a stray she survived on birds. She’s very fast. The trainer’s mostly shelter obtained 9 dogs run free and herd the chickens a little, but don’t catch them. She’s a good trainer, and Merry listens a little more to her than me, but maybe she doesn’t want to take over, or she knows Merry is too hard wired.

On the way down the driveway, Joe, our horse that is boarded there, followed me, and Rebecca, who was riding, let him. When I turned around, the wind, and it was pretty windy, flapped the bag and he jerked back and stopped. I slowly approached and he sniffed it. I think he felt bad for the little bird and wanted to pay his respects. I got the feeling as I continued walking down the streets of Laredo that the little bird could hear the crickets chirping and was comforted by all of our tributes. I dedicated the wildflowers, and even the few strewn plastic flowers, blown off some of the jumps by the wind, to her as I passed them. She thanked me for trying to stop Merry, for being sorry, and for not letting her get torn into little bits as she died.

That was before I also had to get more granulated and tablet chlorine for my new algae plume in the pool. After I spent a lot of money and added the new products, I decided to research the high cyanuric acid level on my new test strips. Turns out that most pool chlorine adds cyanuric acid to stabilize the chlorine from the destabilizing effect of sunlight. But our pool is mostly shaded, so the acid level has built up to over 100, causing the chlorine to be ineffective. The only way to get rid of it is to partially drain the pool. Then it will build up again as you chlorinate. Great. Now I’ll have to find some liquid chlorine that doesn’t have it.

It was also before I went to the cleaners and picked up my daughters’ bridesmaid dresses, and my and George’s parent outfits from the wedding we got back from 1 week ago today. May God bless the happy couple.